Friday, October 5, 2012

"Have I Ever Told You That You Are Very Pretty..."

Everything always changes..
Same changes.

I thought I was done. Life hurts sometimes. And sometimes its just you against the world.

Ben Gibbard is probably one of my favorite artists. The songs Summer Skins and Tiny Vessels have never hit me so hard as they have these past two week. It describes the scenarios that I am in only i'm the girl that he is talking about.

Summer Skins

"Squeaky swings and tall grass 
The longest shadows ever cast 
The water's warm and children swim 
And we frolicked about in our summer skin 

I don't recall a single care 
Just greenery and humid air 
Then Labor day came and went 
And we shed what was left of our summer skin 

On the night you left I came over 
And we peeled the freckles from our shoulders 
Our brand new coats so flushed and pink
And I knew your heart, I couldn't win
Cause the seasons change was a conduit 
And we left our love in our summer skin"

Tiny Vessels 

This is the moment that you know
That you told her that you loved her but you don't.
You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.

I spent two weeks in Silverlake
The California sun cascading down my face
There was a girl with light brown streaks
And she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.
Yeah she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.

Wanted to believe in all the words that i was speaking
As we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that i was telling
And all the playful misspellings
And every bite i gave you left a mark

Tiny vessels oozed into your neck
And formed the bruises
That you said you didn't want to fade
But they did and so did i that day

All i see are dark grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask "was something wrong?"
That i think "you're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now. 
No, we can't talk about it now."

So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile, and it was cheap
And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me

Monday, July 2, 2012

I know I have not written in like 2 months but I didn't want to get ahead of my self by writing all of my feelings down. But this is what I do know.

I am happy.
I am falling in love everyday.

There have been so many times when jesse has gotten me things that i love so much and i am impressed because of how well he listen. LIke the one tim he got me a LARGE Chick-fil-A lemonade  at the mall after I had told him months ago how much I was in love with Chick-fil-A lemonade. He is so wonderful to me. 

... Is this too good to be true?

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Road my bike from provo to orem (i took the bike trail !) I LOVED IT!!

Monday, April 30, 2012

Thursday, April 26, 2012


TOday was a day of an "Aha!" moment. I have been reading the seven successful habit for successful people by steven r covey. I must be butchering everything right now but oh well i'll go back and change it. Ok so I have been reading this book and it says how sometimes your perception of things is way off. It uses the analogy of having goal to be somewhere in chicago but you are just getting lost because your map is a map of Detroit and no matter how you hold it where you put it you will just get even more lost and no matter how great you attitude is towards where you are it is not going to change the fact that you are in chicago and you have a detroit map that is not helping you get anywhere. I don't know that it makes any sense of what I just said BUT.. Its saying how if we have the wrong perception of live words and phrases will not substitute that perception. You need to change the perception to makes real changes. 
Here is what I learned today. So i went to go watch The Vow and if you have not seen it do not read ahead. I learned that if you are making the right decision and you are in tune with the spirit you will become the person that God wants you to be. Then you are are that person and you have been prepared you will meet that person that is right for you. Even if you have meet them before, you need to become a certain person to be with them and if your not there yet it wont work out. It wont be easy. it will be forced. i just feel like i need to grow and become someone that the lord wants me to be so that i can become the right girl for the right guy to be with me. I don't know that any of this made any sense but it makes sense now to me. This movie made me change my perception of dating and become my best self. Also Marion changed my perception of being my best self. " Am I being the kind of girl that I would want my brother to date? I am super critical of girls that by brother hangs out with but and I a girl that I would approve of him dating and hanging out with? If I don't approve of my actions no one will.  I need to become some one that I approve of morally and spiritually. 
I need some work and i want to be someone who can say No when the time is appropriate and say yes when it is right. I need to understand that saying NO is not a bad thing but it is something that needs to be said in order to move forward to something greater.  It like taking the road less travled but it leads to a better future. Taking the road less traveled is not easy but i have hope that it leads to something greater than I have had up untill now. 

Love Always,

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!
I interviewed today for a job and like 2 hours later i was offered the job!!!
I am so excited! the girls that I work with are really nice and I think I am going to LOVE IT SOO MUCH!