This has been the hardest semester of my life. If we are talking in "transfers" it has been the hardest 4 transfers of my life! But at the same time I can really say that I have learned a lot.
I went to Arizona with Lucy this past easter weekend. it is a 12 hour drive to Az from Salt lake. So there was a lot of time to talk and think in the car. I have been home for roughly 6 months and i can not believe how fast goes by.
6 months ago I was in St. George, Utah. My last transfer. I was companion with Hna Lloyd and I was freaking out about going home and being a "regular person." But i did what I could. I made goals and plans of how to keep the spirit in my life and how to adapt all the things that I had learned. There were so many things that i wanted to do. The bigger ones were with my family. But i forgot to take into consideration that my family has free agency. I wanted them to do all the things that i wanted them to do, it just didn't turn out that way. And I know now that I was wrong for wanting to impose my will on them. I don't think that they were bad things they were things like, fam. prayer, scripture study, Fam. Home Evening basically more time as a family.
Here is the thing i had gained such a big testimony that those things really strengthen and bless families that i wanted that for mine. But it took me a whole year and a half to gain that testimony. I can't expect my family to just say yeah ok in just a few days. All of this takes time and hard work. And example and someone to help them along the way. FHE worked out great! and family prayer was done more often! YAY!
But i got distracted and I forgot about those goals. Dang. But it is something that i really want for them so i will try to work on that when I get home.
This is just one of the things that i learned. 1.I can not make people do what I want and 2. That I get distracted very easily. I have got to learn to be concentrated on what I really want... long term not short term.
3. There are no coincidences(sp?) Everything happens for a reason. There was a purpose in my going out to school. Had I not gone to school I would not have learned that I LOVE ALTERNATIVE PROCESSES for photography. I wouldn't have known that I loved my printmaking class, teacher and classmates. I wouldn't have realized that I hate commercial photography. I wouldn't have learned how to work in a studio, a light meter, ratios, wizards, lights, gels, backgrounds. I wouldn't have 3 portfolios of photographs to show what I can do. I wouldn't have made such great friends. I would have missed out in the opportunity to experiment and learn.
4. Had i not come out to school. I would have missed out in the opportunity to develop trust in Christ. I did what I could put in the effort that I had strength to and Christ made up the rest. The Atonement.
5. I needed this experience. I needed to learn to make my own friends and I needed this time to develop relationships with the new and old friends.
6. I learned that when i fail. I mean completely fail!!!! it provides a reference of how not to do something. I need references even if they are from my personal failures. And the same thing goes for when you succeed. You need references to say hey this went well because i did so and so....
7. I learned I have a bad judgment in character... the friends that i pick to be my friends are not the best. I need vickie to help me sort out good friends.
8. I need rules when it comes to dating. (this one i am proud to say that I am working on. I have made rules now I just need to practice them)
9. I learned that I need to study more art books and people.
10. I learned that I need to be more BRAVE. Get my stuff out. Get out more, socially. take more photos. say "No" when needed.
11. I learned I need to continue on being better. I Have to work on me. Self improvement. Spiritually and in all aspects of what make me. ME. I have to continue to apply all the things that I learned on the mission.
12. I learned that I am getting back to me. hopefully a more improved better me.
13. I need to re-read PMG as a "civilian"
I love change.
I'm going home.
As much as I love school and love learning.
I can't help but feel and know that I am not supposed to be up at school for the summer semester.
Weird but this will be just as much as a learning experience. Bring it on world! I'll be brave!